I'm Not Who You Think I Am Page 2

  “I run,” I said. “I don’t want to deal with the pool and my hair.”

  I had long, curly hair and I kept it in a braid or a ponytail most of the time, just to give me the illusion of control over it. I wasn’t adding chlorine bleaching to the mix of dealing with hair like mine. Cutting it short just made it poof up like an angry dandelion.

  “I don’t like contact sports. My high school wants everyone in a sport, besides taking gym. So it was running, after I nearly stabbed Mina with a fencing foil in sixth grade. But I’m thinking of seeing if I can try out for the fencing team again next year.”

  And I was babbling again. I needed to sleep and just be alone, but I didn’t know when that was going to happen.

  “Sit and relax.” Rat smiled reassuringly. “It’s late, so I’ll just make a cheese omelet. Cheddar okay?”

  “I like cheddar,” I said.

  I heard Uncle Yushua off in the distance. “I don’t have any voicemails. I checked before I called. I don’t care what else is going on in your life, you don’t send a fifteen-year-old….”

  He faded away, so I didn’t get to hear the rest of it. Rat busied himself with getting eggs and cheese out of the fridge and putting them on the island before getting a bowl and a plate and utensils and anything else he needed to cook with. He deliberately made enough noise so that it drowned out Uncle Yushua talking with Mother.

  “I’ll go and make up the bed in the study,” Harper announced. He looked over at me. “It doesn’t seem like it, but we are glad to see you. Josh talks about you a lot.”

  “Uh… thanks?” I said. “I thought everything was okay, or I would have insisted on getting Uncle Yushua’s number so I could call ahead. I know I seem to be interrupting something.”

  Rat snorted. “Not what you think.”

  “I wasn’t thinking anything,” I protested, blushing a little.

  What was I supposed to think with three guys looking like they were ready for bed and two of them didn’t live here? Or maybe they did? Uncle Yushua hadn’t mentioned he had roommates, but I didn’t know a lot about his personal life.

  I’d halfheartedly planned on dropping a bombshell on my parents about my sexuality or lack of it Saturday night, when they’d beaten me to it with their announcement. That had stopped me wanting to tell them anything, because I didn’t want them to accuse me of being attention-seeking or something like that.

  “Stop teasing her,” Harper ordered before wandering off farther into the condo.

  “Because it’s normal for grown men to have a sleepover,” Rat muttered as he cracked and then beat the eggs.

  “I always thought that was more of a weekend thing,” I ventured cautiously, trying to make some sort of conversation. “You know, like with dating and stuff.”

  Rat snorted. “I am not dating your uncle, so get your mind out of the gutter.”

  “Oh.”

  That didn’t explain why they were here, but Uncle Yushua and Harper looked tired. Harper and Rat were really familiar with this condo, so maybe they’d just been friends for a long time? But…. My mind wasn’t in the gutter, thank you very much!

  “I expected you to be the grown-up…,” Uncle Yushua said.

  “The acoustics here are weird,” Rat explained. “So you’re going to hear the argument, whether you should or not.”

  “It’s all right,” I assured him. “Do you live here too?”

  It felt weird, though. Mainly because my parents didn’t argue, that I knew of. If anyone had asked me, I would’ve told him or her that my parents’ marriage was rock-solid. It seemed cold and frighteningly polite at times, but unbreakable. This announcement of “reevaluation” had shocked me. I wondered if Mother was doing her frighteningly polite and frigid voice with Uncle Yushua, like she did with me as soon as I disagreed with her plans.

  I jumped a little when a cat suddenly appeared at the end of the island. It was little, not more than a couple of pounds, but it let out a loud meow before stalking over to me. The cat was some kind of tabby cat, with deep blue eyes and the most beautiful eye markings. They looked like a really elaborate eyeliner pattern.

  “This is Kay,” Rat told the cat. “Be nice, she’s staying here for a while.”

  The cat studied me and I wanted to squirm. I wasn’t used to pets. My parents thought they were too messy, even fish. Having one on the counter would have driven my mother insane. Everything in her world had to be in perfect order at all times. And I noticed Rat dodged my question neatly.

  “Kay, this is Mafdet,” he continued.

  Kay was going to be something I was going to have to get used to, but I wasn’t going to be rude and insist on my full name. But the man had a nickname of Rat, so what was weirder?

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I told Mafdet formally. I looked up at Rat. “You and Harper too.”

  “So where are you going to school?” Rat asked. “Harper and I just crash here once in a while. Usually it’s one or the other of us, but this seemed…. We just decided it was better if we both stayed for once.”

  I think he was trying to cover the sound of Uncle Yushua with my mother. It was sweet of him. Did they have a friends-with-benefits relationship with my uncle? Had I stumbled into the aftermath of an orgy? And I’d lied, my mind was in the gutter, but I liked knowing how things stood.

  “I go to Nightingale Academy,” I said, watching him chop the cheese for my omelet. I wasn’t surprised when Mafdet got a couple of slivers when he was done. “It’s a girl’s school on the Upper East Side.”

  “What’s your favorite class?”

  “I don’t know,” I said slowly. “My parents want me to do really well in the sciences and math, so they don’t seem to be a lot of fun, because if I don’t get an A….” I let that hang out there for a second before adding, “I enjoy languages and history. European history for the most part. There isn’t a lot of attention paid to anything outside that and American history in high school.”

  I wasn’t going to add that most of the history taught to me was still all dead white guys, even at a girls’ school. Xiu had had a fit over that when we were in middle school.

  “But you don’t dare tell them that, because it’s all about STEM and girl power now, according to the news,” Rat said. “So what languages are you studying now?”

  “I’m on my fourth year of Latin and third one of Greek, and this last semester I started Mandarin, mostly because of my friend Xiu. She wasn’t going to take the class on her own and I had a free space then, so I took it. I took a couple of years of Spanish, mostly in self-defense, because everyone I bumped into in the city expected me to speak it.”

  Since I was about eight, I’ve had total strangers come up to me and speak to me in Spanish. Those people had been annoyed I didn’t. I guess I look Hispanic to a lot of people, since I’m biracial. Now I could give those people directions and stuff like that, like it was my first language.

  “How do you like Mandarin?” Rat asked carefully in Mandarin.

  “It’s uneasy… no, difficult,” I said in the same language.

  Harper laughing behind me caused me to jump. “So you get to order for us when we do dim sum. I don’t trust him not to get us something disgusting and say it was an accident.”

  “What’s wrong with phoenix claws?” Rat demanded, looking woebegone. It wasn’t a good look for him. He didn’t keep it up for too long, thankfully.

  “I left the South because I wasn’t eating pig’s feet, so I’m not eating chicken feet either,” Harper retorted as he petted Mafdet.

  “Your bed’s all set up in the study,” Harper continued. “Rat and I are in the other bedroom.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You didn’t know I was coming. I’d be glad to get the sofa.”

  “It’s a daybed, the sofa might be more comfortable,” Rat said before he turned to the stove and started cooking.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

  “It’s not the best time,” Harper said, sitting beside me, conti
nuing to pet Mafdet. “And none of this is your fault.”

  What did that have to do with anything?

  “I swear, Fereshteh….” Uncle Yushua strode into the kitchen, looking straight at me, letting me dodge Harper’s odd comment. “You know what? Do what you want. I’m just your idiotic younger brother. But while you and Justin are ‘reevaluating’ your marriage, please also evaluate the position of your head, since it seems to be firmly up your ass right now.”

  With that, Uncle Yushua almost slammed his cell phone down. He caught himself in time and just set it down gently on the counter. He waited a little while before he spoke again, clearly struggling not to say something truly scathing about my mother just then.

  “I’m sorry, Mykayla,” Uncle Yushua said softly. “You caught us… me… at a bad time.”

  “Not a sleepover time,” Rat said, plating my omelet and placing it in front of me. Harper dug out some silverware from a drawer and handed me a knife and fork. “Even if we’re staying the night.”

  “What?” Uncle Yushua asked, before shaking his head. “It’s just things have been a little hectic at work, and I’m not going to have any time to spend with you for a couple of days.”

  “I’m pretty self-sufficient, Uncle Yushua,” I promised. “I have my reading list for the summer, and it’s not like Mother and Father hover over me. They’ve been pretty involved in their research and stuff like that lately. Anna’s kept an eye on me since Mother went back to work.”

  Anna had the summer off now, since the apartment was closed down. She just needed to check on it once or twice a week and be ready to reopen it at a moment’s notice.

  Uncle Yushua pinched his nose, like he had a headache. “If I recall, she barely took her maternity leave…. Well, that doesn’t matter now.”

  I nodded and ate my omelet, because it would be rude not to, and I was hungry. Mother had only missed the first week of classes that semester, though I’d been an August baby. That was before she moved into pure research like Father.

  “I…. We have to go into work tomorrow, but I might be able to spend the afternoon with you,” Uncle Yushua said.

  “You don’t have to rearrange your schedule for me,” I protested.

  “Don’t go running on your own,” Rat said.

  “I enjoy it, but I’m not fanatical,” I assured him. “I want to find someplace safe before I do.”

  Safe as in no killer drivers, so a high school track I could use or a park someplace would be nice. Having a running partner would be smart too, in case I injured myself or something.

  “Running is a good thing,” Harper said. “But I’m not a nut like Rat. Please don’t tell me you’re a marathoner?”

  I swallowed what I was eating before I replied. “Mid-distance. I’m not good at it. There’s just a zenness to running I like. I’m usually the back of the pack, but I’m a warm body, so coach is happy to have me.”

  Rat nodded.

  I turned my attention to my uncle. “I’m sorry, Uncle Yushua. I thought Mother would have called you before she sent me up here. But the twins both have roommates, not like they would want me staying with them. You know Father’s family really doesn’t talk to us.”

  Father’s family didn’t like that he’d married a white girl. Not that my mother was “white,” since her family had fled Iran to the Philippines before the Shah of Iran was overthrown. Mother had gone to college in America and never went back to either place, except for Grandmother’s funeral in the Philippines.

  “Prejudice does work both ways,” Uncle Yushua said, sounding sad, then pursed his lips. “I’m sorry, I need to get some sleep. If you could clean things up, Rat, I’d appreciate it.”

  I guessed Rat and Harper stayed here a lot if Uncle Yushua was treating them like family and expecting them to clean up after themselves and stuff like that. Xiu’s grandmother treated me the same way. I liked it.

  “It’s not what you think,” Harper told me, as if he could read my mind.

  “I’m not thinking right now,” I assured him. “And it’s no business of mine either.”

  Chapter Two

  I WOKE up the next morning and winced when I checked the time on my phone. It was just after twelve, and I couldn’t believe I’d slept that long. I spent a couple of minutes getting my thoughts together before I decided to check to see if there was anyone else home. I looked around the study. I had just crashed last night as soon as my head hit the pillow, so I hadn’t seen it.

  I now realized the room was filled with books, which made my heart go pitter-patter. I loved books. Romance, history, language, or any topic, it didn’t matter. I loved the smell of a book, either new or old, and the feel of one in my hands. The information a book could give me. The adventures I could have with one.

  Two walls were covered with bookcases so tall you needed a ladder to get to the top shelf. The outside wall had floor-to-ceiling windows, breaking the wall evenly in three places, exposing brick. One wall was wood paneling, and there was a desk against it, as well as a couple of nice oil paintings hanging above the desk. They were desert scenes of Egypt’s past, of the ancient cities that no longer existed. I spent a couple of minutes studying them, marveling over the realistic details.

  I folded up the quilt on top of the pillows before I went downstairs. I was wearing sweats and an oversized T-shirt, not that I had anything to show off in the breast department. I was all muscle from running, and being flat-chested as a runner was a good thing. I’d been told by the better-endowed runners the bouncing their breasts did got painful after a mile or so.

  I got downstairs and the place was empty, with a note on the kitchen’s island.

  Went to work. Should be home for lunch. I’ll call if not.

  Take anything you want for food for breakfast.

  Mafdet’s been fed. Ignore the begging.

  A different hand added below that: Beware of the Indian food. Unknown age.

  I shrugged; I wasn’t hungry and called Xiu instead. “I just woke up.”

  “How is your uncle?” Xiu asked. “Is he attractive?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Um, I thought you were gay? Uncle? Mother’s brother and all that. That is a big ick at what you’re thinking about. Besides, remember I don’t think that anyone is cute like that. Not even his friends.”

  “Friends?” Xiu mused. “Or ‘friend’ friends? I can admire a man, like one does a good slice of cheesecake.”

  “I can’t tell,” I admitted. “More like family if I had to guess.”

  “Polyandry is an acceptable lifestyle choice in the gay community, my research has shown,” Xiu said loftily.

  I wasn’t going to argue with her, because I didn’t know. All I knew was if either of my parents heard me say something like that, I’d get interrogated why I knew that at my age.

  “Rat cooked for me,” I offered. “He seems nice. Harper’s very pale, like he’s made of spun sugar. And there’s a cat, Mafdet, who’s tiny and cute. I haven’t seen her yet today.”

  “Even though they wouldn’t be interested in you….”

  “I’m like half their age,” I reminded her. She seemed to be aiming for something. I just had to see what her target was and then avoid it or let it hit.

  “Would you do the dirty deed with either one of them?” Xiu finished.

  “No,” I said bluntly. Why was she asking me this now? Was she trying to very awkwardly distract me from my parents’ issues? “That sounds silly.”

  “You mentioned ‘pants feelings’ when you talked about your possible asexuality to me the first time,” Xiu said reasonably, “and both of us seem to be reluctant to use the word sex.”

  “I don’t know about your parents, Xiu, but mine would be able to hear the word sex out of my mouth if they’re in the same city as I’m in. They’d listen to the conversation to make sure we’re not in a lesbian relationship or something. So, me trying to work out my sexual status is going to require a lot of euphemism-filled conversations until I’m ready
to tell them. I’m also reevaluating the wisdom of doing that.”

  I didn’t think asexuality was a bad thing. It meant I just didn’t want to be in a relationship or have a quickie or do anything intimate with another person, male or female. I’ve had the sex talk. I did my health classes where sexuality and its variations were explained much better and a lot more clinically then Mother had. Birth control had been covered thoroughly too.

  And it’s not like there isn’t an underground trade in all kinds of romance novels in the upper levels at my school, from tame old-school Harlequins where things ended with a chaste kiss to hard-core BDSM erotica, of the het, lesbian, and gay varieties. I was pretty certain I fell on the asexual scale from what I figured out reading them. Telling my parents that scared the crap out of me, since it would just be another thing for them to be disappointed in with me.

  “Not that you’re unattractive, My-My, and my tastes do lean heavily to women on the Kinsey Scale, so I think you’re datable, though you don’t, aside from the fact we’re like sisters. But my parents think it’s a phase, since we’re in a girls’ school and I’m not going to Chinese school to meet the good Chinese boys anymore. And now surprise! I have to go to Chinese school over the summer so that I meet some ‘nice boys.’ Because a nice Chinese boy’s penis is magical and all he has to do is wave it in my direction, and I’ll stop thinking all these silly, romantic thoughts about women.”

  “While my scale seems to lean toward books or brownies,” I said, closing my eyes and leaning against a wall. “Why can’t I tell my parents that? You had the balls to tell your parents that guys are a no-go for the most part, as soon as you figured it out.”

  Which had been when she was twelve. With a lot of research that I had helped her with. It was with that research I also figured out I was an ace and there was nothing wrong with being one.